"Why are you here Doc?"

I am really unsure how to begin this post. I don't even know what I really want to write about. The last few weeks have been very rough for me. Alot of minor instances with family and friends, that taken seperately wouldn't amount to a whole lot. But when everything sort of hits me at once its very hard for me to handle it gracefully. Most of the time, I am probably just making a mountain out of a mole hill, so to speak. But then there are times that I feel everything is so overwhelming I just want to scream! It is at this time that I want to surround myself with people I can be completely comfortable around. The issue with that is there are so few people I feel completely comfortable around. I was told last night, that I jumped on the friend wagon to quick. That I wanted to talk to people to much, that really didn't give a shit as to what I was talking about. OUCH! Ok. That being said, I proceeded to kick and scream with all my might! While I admit, there are things that I find interesting that most people don't, there are alot of things others talk about that I really care nothing about, but I still listen.


I do demand alot of attention. I never thought that was in question. Probably not from friends as much as family. I have very few expectations for friends anymore. I surround myself with people, who for the most part, believe as I do. I work in an envirionment that provides substantial political and religious talk 8 hours a day 5 day a week. For the most part my co-workers, believe as I do. (Except for the one who insists on pissing me off every time she begins a sentence with "Well, my husband thinks this and my husband thinks that." Of course, this is the standard response after every single question that calls for her opinion.) I don't think I have ever expected friends from work to fall over into life outside the job. I had more co-workers that I considered close friends when I worked for the school sytem than any other time. These relationships did carry over to life outside the office. But since then, I have always worked away from home. While there are a few times that my co-workers and I have went and done things together, it feels more like an outing than a couple of friends just hanging out. But do I expect things from our "friendship"? No, not really. I don't really expect anything from the people I would call friends. They are people I associate with, I laugh with, I have a good time with and I confide in them... apparently a little to quick and to often for their liking. But these are not people I talk openly with, cry with or call when I or they need cheering up.
I do have close friends who I do these things with. But I don't expect it out of them. I guess in all honesty, I depend on Brinton more than I should when it comes to these things. I do have expectations for him. Maybe I shouldn't have as many as I do. Regardless though, he is my best friend. He is the one I enjoy being with. While he does get longwinded at times, so do I. I guess 11 years and 2 kids later, its good to know that you have someone who knows all your shortcomings and still accepts you for who you are.


Jack: Why are you here, Doc?
Doc: Wyatt's my friend.
Jack: Hell. I got lots of friends.
Doc: Well I don't.